Sharon

I have 2 children with special needs, so it’s something I think about a lot. I’ve tried to build a family around them — to put a lot of effort into creating bonds of mutal help with other people that I hope will carry over in later life for my children.

I hate to make generalizations, but of course there are some (very few) I think people who can never make a contribution to the work of family life. I have a friend whose blind, hepapalgenic daughter clears the table and loads and unloads the dishwasher, not becuase no one else in the house can do it, but because it was a job she could do, and there is no reason why she shouldn’t have household chores like everyone else. An other child a know, with sever CP, babysits his baby brother by entertaining him and pressing his buzzer to let his parents know if the baby needs changing, etc.

The same way, a handicapped person can play a large role in a family economy (depending on circumstances). I think in someways its easier to live life on the farm, in charge of the henhouse or the veg garden or whatever, than to be bussed to Macdonalds to fold boxes for Happy Meals which seesm to be the career asperations held by the school district for many transitioning special service students around here.

Another friend, fed up that her son seems to spend most of his day getting yelled at by other teenagers in the local burger barn who seemed to be motivated by fear, found him a job at the local super market. He can walk there himself, and spends his shift arranging the fresh produce, culling the wilted stuff, and doing a much more (IMO)useful job. (How long his job will last in the current economy, who knows.)

It’s early days yet for me to be thinking about jobs for my girls — perhaps — but PO may (slow crash, best possible circumstances, full moon on Tuesday, and all that) actually bring them opportunies that will keep them close to the community and let them make a real contribution.

MEA

Sharon, have you, or could you address special needs kids (or adults) and your thoughts on their place in a post peak world? My other (baby) son has down syndrome, so it is on my mind. One thing I keep thinking is I should have another child to help take care of him (inspired partly by something Dmitry Orlov wrote about how we need to have big families, lots of kids, to take care of us in our old age, since we won’t be able to count on social security or the govt helping us in any way). Anyway, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

My parents taught us practical skills like how to grow/raise food and also taught us to value education, reading, math, and problem solving (which my dad calls “Yankee ingenuity.”)

My parents also take care of us, want us to live close and help to make that a reality for us. We bought land from my grandmother and my dad and husband built our house. We could never have afforded to build a house otherwise.

My in-laws have set up a stair building business for my husband to eventually take over and a shell fishing buisiness for his brother.

Our parents’ investment of time and money now means our family will succeed in the future.

I hope that I can be that good of a parent!

One is that we don’t coddle her much. She gets rained on. She gets hot or cold, within reason, as the weather dictates. If the pavement is hot, she’s free to find that out by herself and come up with her own solution. If the weed is prickly, I guess she’d be smart not to grab it again. We want her to be accustomed to the idea that the world is not an even 75 degrees, dry, and aseptic (and boy, is ours not. .

Another is that at age one, she already understands very well, thank you, that food comes from plants. She has eaten fresh, seasonal food since first she decided she was interested in anything besides mama’s milk. She has snagged blueberries, raspberries, and cherries (yeah, that one wasn’t so good) all straight off the bush. Yesterday morning, she spontaneously helped me pick mouse melons (basically tiny cucumbers) and put them in the bag herself…I nearly cried with pride. One year nearly to the day and she helps with the harvest.

Yet another is that a lot of her things are yard sale/thrift store/hand-me-down finds. I want her to grow up with the idea that a thing doesn’t have to be new in the box to be fun and special. And even if something’s already a bit scuffed, she’s expected to treat it gently–if we have a thing in our home, it’s because we value it, no matter how much it cost, and we treat it accordingly. When she does have something new, it’s carefully chosen and well made and expected to stay around long term.

There are other things we do, as well as agreeing wholeheartedly with everything Sharon said, but I’ve rambled enough. On the whole, though, I feel fortunate to be starting with a relatively blank slate, and not an older child already steeped in a failing society.

Excellent list. Number 1 hits very close to home for me as I grew up as the oldest child in a home with a mother that was (unfortunately, still is) depressed and never sought treatment.

So I will add another suggestion:

If you suffer from any mental or physical illness, seek treatment now. Develop strategies to continue treatment in a world without assured access to doctors, therapists, and medication. You have to take good care of yourself in order to take good care of your kids.

My kids (11,10,8 & 6 yos) have kinda grown up with the idea of peak oil. They know we grow food, store it, raise animals, stay home, try and save money, turn off lights (ok, they must not know about that one, lol) all to adapt to changes peak oil might bring-and ’cause mom is kinda crazy that way.

I don’t mind if they aren’t interested in everything I do, but I do make them watch and participate. They know that I am still learning while I try to teach them. I want this kind of lifestyle to come easier to them than it did me.

And I try an focus on PO not being bad, just different. One child wants to live in a city when they grow up so they can walk everywhere, another wants to have horses. Thinking up alternatives with children is easier. They look at things as an adventure not what they will be missing.

I wasn’t trying to talk just about going to the bathroom, but that getting a break from being with children all the time helps you in behaving like a grown up when you are with them. I find that if I am constantly surrounded by very young people, I start to think the whole world is like that, and to loose focus on being the adult in the situtation.

I know a couple of women who tell me they have never left their children alone with anyone, including the children’s fathers. I can’t imagine how they cling to a shread of sanity.