The Competence Project
Sharon November 5th, 2008
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. -Robert A. Heinlein
I have an embarassing confession to make – I’m not handy at all, and I have absolutely no excuse for it. You see, unlike my husband, who grew up in an apartment where a super handled any fixing, I grew up with two parents who were both extremely handy. There was my Dad, who smelted his own bullets in our furnace, fixed things and taught me to handle a knife, an axe and screwdriver early on. And, just in case I should try and get away with whining that I didn’t learn because I was a girl (total nonsense, my Dad would have had no truck with that), my step-mother is an extremely talented woodworker, who I got to watch renovate our home more or less by herself through my whole adolescence. Sue is incredibly talented – I have beautiful bookcases, my sons have beautiful wooden toys and a gorgeous toy box – and whenever she comes to my house, runs about fixing everything that Eric and I are ignoring. She tried hard to pass on her skills – and it didn’t take. As a teenager, I was busy getting ready to live the life of the mind – the fact that even minds get broken toilets and funky wiring didn’t really register until after I left home.
Basically, the reason I’m not handy is that I’ve never bothered to really get the skill set in any coherent way – somehow when I was younger I wasn’t paying enough attention and didn’t realize what I was missing out on, and then I was busy getting other skill sets into order – busy learning gardening and farming, food preservation and mending (all, btw, skills I could have gotten from someone I was related to, but mostly didn’t – I sometimes wonder what the heck I was doing during my adolescence).
Eric has the same lacks, with better excuse, although it is more embarassing for him, since he’s a guy, and thus “supposed to” know how to build stuff and fix things – particularly out in these parts where most of my neighbors pretty much could build their own houses from scratch with a McGyver-like collection of odds and ends. We could probably make a plastic model of a house out of my son’s legos – but I wouldn’t bet on it not falling over. We joke that there are two kinds of people in the world – the ones who have a window that won’t open and immediately rush over to fix it, because it shouldn’t be that way, and those who say “ok, I’ll just open the other window.” We’re both the second kind, and there’s a price to that kind of laziness.
Now we’ve both been forced to learn some basics – we’ve gotten fairly good at small engine repair maintaining the ratty riding mower and the rag tag cars we’ve had over the years, and we can build simple, box shaped things. They tend to look a little funny, though. For a while I avoided most woodworking because I was pretty constantly pregnant or nursing and didn’t want the chemical exposure (and yes, I know there are ecological options out there), but that’s not been a good excuse for a while yet.
And one of my New Year’s resolutions (yeah, I know it is only November, but we Jews get our New Year early) is to fix this gap. Time for me to really understand how things go together, and get handy – at least enough. I keep putting it off, though, because I really hate feeling incompetent. I remember when I first was learning to knit – I knew that eventually it would become as natural as breathing, but boy did I hate every single second of the period before it did – it was so frustrating, so maddening. Why couldn’t I get good faster, dammit?!! I don’t like to be bad at things – and of course, a period of being bad at things is required in order to get good. It is easier not to try, to complain I can’t do it.
This was banged home to me the other day, when Isaiah, who is nearing five and in kindergarten, echoed my own internal whining. You see, Isaiah is learning to read – and it isn’t his favorite thing. He’s a natural at math and science, but unlike his big brother Simon, who picked up reading at 3 and never looked back, this language stuff is work for Isaiah. Now don’t get me wrong – we’re in no hurry, and we’re not pushing him hard – he’s not even five yet, and we believe it is perfectly normal for him not to read for a while yet. But we do require that he practice his letters and pre-reading activities, and do a little bit of practice sounding things out – maybe 10 minutes a day in total.
Well, yesterday, Isaiah told me that “I’ll do my reading work tomorrow. Or the next day. I’m not very good at it.” I told him that I thought he was doing just fine, actually – that he was doing very well for his age. And he told me that he liked math better, because it was easy, and he liked being good at things, so he didn’t want to learn to read if it meant not being good. Well, out of the mouths of babes, as they say.
And I heard myself telling Isaiah that while it was ok that he didn’t want to read yet, that reading wasn’t one of that category of things that it matters much whether you are naturally talented or not – everyone needs to learn. Barring some very serious disabilities, we pretty much accept that everyone is supposed to learn to read, and reasonably well (we’ll ignore the question of whether this happens or not). I heard myself saying gently that there are certain things everyone needs to know, and reading is one of them.
And, of course, fixing things and being able to adapt your basic environment is too. And of course, I don’t want my kids picking up the notion that learning how to do that isn’t just as important as learning how to read. I want them to be as competent as they can be with language and with tools. I was struck by my own cowardice – like Isaiah, I don’t want to be bad at it, so it is easier not to do it. But the difference is that Isaiah’s only four, and he doesn’t really have to read right now. We can let the whole thing go for a year or more, and be none the worse for it. But the reality is that we might not have the money to pay people to fix our stuff soon – and I’m well past the age that I should be doing the work.
Periodically I hear others (and I do this myself) say “I’m not good at X” For X you can insert just about anything – growing food, sewing, cooking, repairing things. Now sometimes this goes to a real physical disability that has to be overcome – or can’t. There are things those of us with physical or intellectual limitations may never be able to do – just like there are people who will never master their times tables or learn to read. But barring such disabilities, there are some things in life that the general consensus requires that we have a certain basic, minimal skill set in. For example, children may come to reading or arithmetic with great difficulty or great ease, but the assumption is that they need to learn to read and do their times tables. They may never do them naturally, but they have to be able to. And the truth is that for most people who received an adequate education, they can read and figure, if laboriously.
There are large chunks of basic subsistence skills that we really need to treat as part of the same basic categories as reading and math – things that every adult person should have a certain level of minimal competence in, barring a true physical or mental barrier to them. I’m not sure I’d use Robert Heinlein’s list quoted above, but you can come up with a decent one that isn’t too far off and that prepares us for this new world where we can’t buy our way out of so many problems- all of us need to know how to cook a decent meal, handle an injury or illness crisis, tend a sick kid, fix a broken step, darn a sock, dehydrate a tomato, tell a story, grow a potato, build a sun oven, bake a loaf of bread, put up fence, season cast iron, mend a rip, care for a dying person, sing a baby to sleep, clean a toilet, knit or crochet a sock, fix a roof, use a weapon, plant a tree, immobilize a limb, make someone understand a counter-intuitive idea, save seed, sharpen a knife, chop garlic, make beer, have courage, fix a bicycle tire, make soup, give a pep talk…
The truth is that for most people, with most things (and again, I know there are exceptions), “I’m not good at it” is a cop out. The reality is that most of us aren’t going to be very good at everything – some things will always be struggle, and as long as we’ve got the time and money and energy to find alternative ways of dealing with it, it is perfectly fine to say that I want to reserve my struggling for things I care more about. What’s not ok is telling our kids, or ourselves the lie that it is ok to use our fear of failure or our hatred of being bad at things as an excuse for picking up skills.
The other thing it isn’t ok to use as an excuse for this is division of labor, particularly by gender or class roles. That’s not to say that there aren’t jobs that it won’t make sense to contract out to a partner or someone who needs the money – there’s nothing wrong with you saying “I have more money than time right now, I’m going to get someone to build in those pantry shelves.” Nor is it bad to acknowledge that your 6′3, 200lb husband is probably better at hauling hay bales than a 5′1, 90lb spouse.
But the reality is that spouses sometimes go away, and things happen when they aren’t around - and occasionally, they die or marriages break up. Sometimes spouses are away just as the cattle need feeding, and the money dries up even though you really need those shelves. The wrong attitude here is the “my wife does the cooking, so I don’t have to” or “I’m very important and I make lots of money, so I don’t have to know how to fix my bike.” Instead, the idea is that all of us be able to handle the basics – we can hire our friend who is a talented seamstress to if there’s cash, but if rips need mending and there’s no money, we need to be able to make the clothes wearable. All the men and boys need to know how to do “women’s work” at least to a competent minimum, and vice versa (and yes, I’m using the term ironically). Everyone gets up on the roof, at least enough to be able to know how to keep the rain off – and then, if you are fortunate enough to have someone else in your life willing to go up in the rain and fix it, well, you can be grateful, but not dependent.
I’m going to bet that everyone one of us has a little guilty spot right now, a thing they know they should learn, a skill they’ve been avoiding picking up, something that they’ve already tried and put down in frustration because they sucked at it. So I’m about to give you folks a bit of a challenge – I invite you to take a look at the holes in your own competence, pick one that needs filling, and get to work on filling it.
My project is to get handy – I want to be able to build my own bookcases and fix my own plumbing. I’ll be posting regularly about how it is all going, and I’m hoping for lots of support as I make plenty of stupid, incompetent mistakes. In turn, I really invite you to tell us about all your failures and inadequacies as you gain a skill you really need. We promise, we aren’t going to let you fail. And maybe you’ll inspire the rest of us to keep going, or to try yet another skill after we master the basics of this one.
So who is in?
Sharon
- Uncategorized , adapting in place
- Comments(100)
Very interesting. I’m sort of in. But I’m also willing to do without for an awful lot of stuff I can’t do myself. Also asking neighbors for help keeps the community together. And they get to ask me, too.
I remember a saying: a man who never asks for help or accepts a gift is selfish person. Anyone know it exactly?
I keep telling my kids “if you can read, you can do anything”. There are instructions out there for all sorts of things … and once you find the instructions, it’s just a matter of summoning up enough courage to try whatever it is.
Sock knitting has been mentioned a few times … well, I had no clue, but I wanted to try it, and so I found instructions and followed them (I highly recommend Socks 101 http://www.royea.net/sock.html as it has pictures to show you exactly what it all ought to look like at various stages). Voila … socks!
For me, the ’scary thing’ has been caring for livestock. I was raised a city girl, and somehow acquired the idea that only ‘real farmers’ could deal with animals. Then we moved to the country and joined 4-H, where the motto is ‘learn to do by doing’. Everyone was very encouraging … just try it! And, sure enough, when you do try it, you figure it out. Sure, there are trials along the way, and you never get it right the first time (man, you should have seen that first fence we put up …) but start small, do a little at a time, try it out in a ’safe’ way, then … work your way up. You can do it.
You can read (obviously). Google is your friend. So is your library. Learn to do by doing … it really does work.
I guess I get to go learn how to deal with firearms now, eh? (It’s already on our list of ‘things to learn this winter’.)
Can I join in too, please? There are two things I need to “hack” just now, as we say over here; spinning, because I spend far too much time & money hunting for just the right handcrafted-type yarns for various projects, and I have five fleeces just sitting in my porch which will go to waste if I don’t do something sensible with them. And small electrical repairs; the fear of getting it wrong, whilst not without foundation, just grows like a weed if I leave it, and I’ve ended up throwing potentially-useful things out because I’m too scared to even try.
The handy part is not the problem for me. My problem is computers! That’s one of the reasons I’m here. I figured that the best way to get round it is just to do it. My next challenge is to get a photo on my blog by myself.
We can’t do plumbing or electrics round here – you need a fully certified expert or you negate your insurance and get fined by the council. You can clear drains however (been there, done that) and fix appliances that aren’t wired in. Annoying but that’s how it is.
Woodwork is my weakest point but I can manage simple stuff if I have to. It’s easier to swap for a quilt or a jersey.
viv in nz
This is the proverbial kick in the Pajama Pants I need. I have the PJ bottoms pattern. I have cut them out and now I just need to (gulp) sit down at the sewing machine and sew them. Some emotional block prevents me from understanding what the purpose of a bobbin is.
We have a serious division of labor here in our house. Usually because there is a wee one that needs to be looked after. It is easier for me to work in the kitchen while he bombs around the house. But, it would be nice to think I could help the progression of a project to completion instead of wondering how long it will take to finish the job.
However, when I was pregnant with the wee one, I made a cookbook for hubby so he could cook dinners during the post- partum period. He had absolutely no cooking skills beyond boiling water when we met and now he cooks dinner a couple times a week and we live to tell the tale:o
One thing I would really like to learn to do is chop wood. Hubby harvests the wood and then chops it and I am the one who stacks it. Hubby wields a big axe and that has always seemed intimidating to me.
I come from a very traditional family, where girls where neither expected nor allowed to do any kind of mechanical/handy thing. To top it off, I have exactly no natural mechanical aptitude whatsoever. But that doesn’t mean I am not learning. Slowly, to be sure but I am.
Karin, there are smaller axes. Start with those. I would never be able to wield one of those Paul Bunyan jobs!
This is a great post….I am going to become competent at cutting firewood. Not whole trees mind you – but the big branches that fall in the ice storms – Use em up! I have hand saws and and an ax.
I also want to become really competent at canning (that will have to wait until next harvest time)
Things I’m competent at now:
Sewing I’m good enough at that nobody here would go naked. Clearance shopping for advance clothes for the boys. Mostly I look for sneakers, socks, warm stuff and undies.
Making fire starters and candles
Teaching (if I ever had to homeschool)
Cooking with cast iron & dutch oven cooking
Growing a garden, would like to move to true subsistance though, rather than supplemental like now.
Raising chickens – need to get over the butchering fear/wigging out I have always had.
[...] a table where we talked about resource-sharing and “re-skilling.” Along these lines,Astyk introduces The Competence Project in this article. This is the newest in Astyk’s related series of challenges to her readers to become good at [...]
I have a long list of things I *need* to learn, although from people I know in my area, as far as self-sufficiency goes, I’m in graduate school by comparison (I met a woman the other day who had JUST learned to sew a button, and I can do that
. The two things at the top of my “learn to do now” list are knit socks and split wood.
But your “hay” reference was a good one, because that’s what plays here at my house most of the time. My husband does the “heavy” work (like splitting firewood), because he can do those tasks in about half the time it would take me, and because he’s busy with that other stuff, I do the light work, like cooking and canning. Things used to be split more evenly with both of us working inside and outside, but then when I got pregnant with baby #4, and wasn’t as physically able or available (baby care took up most of my time the summer following her birth), he just did it all himself.
[...] Categories: Uncategorized Sharon Astyk posted a new project on her website: http://sharonastyk.com/2008/11/05/the-competence-project/. The goal of this project is to develop skills you don’t already [...]
Instructables (http://www.instructables.com) are your friend for a project like this… some of the best how to tutorials around.
I’m in. I need to get on the knitting bandwagon. I can do basics, but the world only needs so many scarfs. Time to work on socks.
Okay, I’m in. I would like to polish up my knitting and sewing for starters. My SIL taught me how to knit a few years ago and I can do scarves. I’m working on my first pair of mittens right now (I admit, they probably won’t have thumbs…but my son is only 15 months, he won’t mind). I sewed a shirt for my mom for her birthday and I have pattern for some kids clothes I’ve been avoiding. Maybe I can get them done for Christmas.
I would like to chop wood as well. I was getting good (‘good’ means hitting the log frequently and it splitting occassionally) with the maul – not an axe- but some back problems have sidelined me for a while. So… I want to be better at maintaining the fire in the woodstove. My husband is good at these things – he’s handy and smart and good at everything he tries. He’s a handy-man, computer guy, mechanic, musician!! I’m the girl who tries, screws up, and figures it probably wasn’t worth the effort. I’ll try harder this time!!
We’re getting chickens in the spring so I need to do a fair bit of research so they don’t die when we get them. I’ll even help my husband build the coop and put up the fence.
This years garden and water-bath canning season were a first for me and I still have a lot to learn. We’re expanding and improving for next season. I would like to learn/use herbal remedies as well.
So:
knit mittens
sew clothes
keep woodstove fire going
keep chickens alive – help build coop
grow more, can more and do it better (now what’s in-season and not miss it)
herbs
whew! thanks for encouragement to challenge ourselves!!
My hubby is very handy but he tends to fix things when we aren’t around or even looking and then ta da! It’s done. I tell him I need to know how to do things but this doesn’t change behavior. I’ll have to sit him down and tell him how important it is.
I just finished blogging about killing chickens – very new to both of us.
I really think that this is an important aspect of the Independence Days challenge. This seems to be focusing on one aspect of that brilliant challenge rather than a new one in itself. I’m happy to focus here now that the garden is in and the livestock slaughtered.
Oh, and things I am competant at:
Making quilts
gardening
cooking and canning
attend the dying
assisting in midwifing babies
midwifing farm animals
give livesotck vaccinations
train a horse to saddle
remove a horse shoe
shear a sheep
trip sheep hooves
suture
Basic veterinary ID and care and animal husbandry
gathering, cutting and splitting firewood and heating a winter home with wood
build a snow cave
sharpen a knife, a chainsaw, an ax
ID some wild plants – need more
fishing and cleaning (fresh water mountain) fish
preserving fish with smoking
teaching rudamentary reading and math
fix a copper pipe
composting
assist at carpentry
basic first aid
basic mending
new: butchering and processing chickens
hiring, firing, teaching, working alone and in groups
Things I’m not good at:
fixing things
program a computer
advanced math
spelling
advanced first aid
knitting
balancing accounts
making clothes
mechanical things
fighting
killing
other languages
Wesley said all clergy ought to be able to preach, move or die on 5 minutes notice.
This past year I’ve tried to live by the motto “How hard can it be?” Thanks to that I’ve learned to fix a leaking bathroom faucet, replace a kitchen faucet, replace an electrical outlet, do small plaster repairs, darn socks, knit mittens, and dehydrate blueberries. (The last one turned out to be totally more work than it was worth. I should have frozen them.)
I can’t sew. I have a huge stack of pants to hem, but I just can’t bring myself to do them. The kids might someday grow into theirs, but I doubt I will. For some reason, “how hard can it be?” just hasn’t worked for sewing. This will be my motivation.
What a great kick in the patoot!
I’ve made my list. I like to make lists of threes, since it seems doable.
- Wiring/Electrical: Our house has such old wiring. I would really like to redo the entire thing, but it’s so daunting.
- First Aid: Been meaning to do this for so long. Like since I was pregnant 4 years ago.
- Fermentation: This will probably wait until after the holidays, but it would round out my food preserving skills.
This year I am learning how to can. DH is has canned for a couple of years, but I like to be able to put my spin on it. He is more the pickle/condiment guy, I am more the sweets, straight up fruit and veggies gal.
SOMETHING FOR OTHERS TO THINK ABOUT:
Offer your knowledge to someone else. I would love for a knowledgeable neighbor to show me the ropes on wiring. I have a couple neighbors that might let me assist with an upcoming project.
Next spring/summer, I pledge to offer a canning session to my girlfriends. Maybe canning will be the new knitting circle!
One thing people ought to remember (re all the people who want to make socks): realize that you don’t have to only know one way to do something. In other words, knitting isn’t the only way to make socks, just the most familiar way (and comfortable, if you ask me, but there are other ways). So you may want to set your goal as “obtain socks” rather than “knit socks”. Why knit if you hate it, but know how to crochet and like it? Or if you are willing to wear moccasins instead?
BTW knitting isn’t terribly hard, especially socks–they’re just tubes, you go round and round until it’s the length of your foot and there you are. You can learn to make heels later.
To the lady who got queasy when her daughter had an injury: I’m an RN and it’s much worse when it’s your own family. I can watch surgery and the most atrocious wounds without anything more than a clinical, “hmm, look, it’s a femur” going through my head, but if my daughter so much as bumps her chin I get a coniption. You can handle a lot when you have knowledge, because your head clicks to the book. Don’t let your squeamishness keep you from learning basic first aid– it’s amazing how things crystalize in the moment and your mind goes back to the book. Knowledge takes away some of that horrible panicky feeling.
How about midwifery? I’ve been toying with the idea for a while, through my pregnancies, but it seems like lay midwifery would be a useful skill. I’ve delivered animals before but have only been at a few human births. I’m not sure whether I want to go the whole way to get certified or not, but if MDs and hospitals become too spendy for most folks, it seems like a midwife who will help you for a quart of cream and a bushel of apples might have a lot of business. Not to mention all my friends are of childbearing age!
The quote from Heinlein is one of my favorites.
I have gotten to the point where I am pretty handy at most things. Jill of all trades, mistress of none. But, when I need help I ask someone to SHOW me how to do what needs to be done.
A friend of mine is a carpenter, and one day he showed me how to professionally cut in while painting. I now don’t mess with painters tape – and do a very professional job.
When I first purchased my house I had new windows put in a few rooms. While the windows were being installed, I was working on another project. The person installing showed me how professionals apply caulking (which is backwards from the way most people do it).
A neighbor of mine showed me how to safely use a chainsaw, and I feel like a pro now (so, Theresa, if you want me to walk through the use of a chainsaw, let me know.)
There is a group of four of us – me and three guys – that formed a group to help each other on household tasks that need to be done. Each one of us has a certain skill set, and a few skills are shared by two of the group.
Two of the guys sew, and when I split a seam or need something sewn back together, I take it to them and they fix it for me. They have the sewing machines. When a household wanted to landscape, or need the use of a chainsaw, they call me. When one of us needs plumbing or electrical work done, we call the person in our group that can comfortably do the work. We work WITH the person with the skills and learn. We all can food together, but there are two foodies in the group that show the remaining two of us with no cooking skills how to do what is required.
We share tools and equipment and skills.
This is a wonderful project, and I’m going to poke through the comments more carefully when I have time to get some more ideas.
This year I’ve been learning how to sail (if California cracks off into the ocean, at least I’ll still be able to get around), I’ve been learning a language, and I’ve been teaching myself to play the piano (I like the idea of being able to generate my own music rather than rely on the radio…though ideally I’d learn the guitar). None of these is particularly essential to my life, but they give it more dimension, and the process is fun even though I’m terrible at and get frustrated with all of them.
I guess I’ll turn to more useful skills next.
Oh, and to ditto Raven, I learned (refreshed) CPR this year and it’s very confidence building.
I’m in. I’m fairly handy and crafty, but I do have one big thing. It’s embarrassing, but I don’t have and have never had a driver’s license. I’ve had my permit for a couple of years now, and am actually a reasonably decent, if a tad nervous, driver. I can’t really parallel park, though, and I have to be able to do that to pass a driver’s test, and merging onto a highway terrifies me.
Alisa, I didn’t get my license until I was 38 and wanted to live in the country ( no public transit in the sticks). 3 year later I often think that it is no big deal. But other times I think it has added a while layer of complication to an otherwise simple life.
Basically, the more you do it the easier it gets. I guess that is true with anything.
Alisa, I learned to parallel park in an empty parking lot with two plastic garbage cans that someone kept moving closer and closer together. If you have a patient helper, just take your time and knock over the garbage cans as much as you need to in order to get the concept. And if people on cell phones, eating burgers and yelling at their children, can merge onto the highway, so can you! You’re going to do great!
P.S. I hate driving too.
Alisa, I still can’t drive
At this point, I’m kind of seeing how long I can go without needing to.
I’m in (though a few days late – the election threw off my entire week, it seems)!
I’ve been working for a couple of years on expanding on my skills, mostly because I think we’re all better off the more we’re able to do for ourselves, but more recently also due to peak oil and climate change concerns. Every year I’ve made a list of things I want to learn; so far I’ve gotten pretty good at knitting and sewing and other craft-related domestic chores, though that’s largely because I learned those things as a small child and am really just brushing up on them. I have soapmaking on my list for this winter, along with spinning, and I’m starting to learn the banjo too because I feel that being able to entertain ourselves and our families is just as important as being able to feed and clothe ourselves. But food production and preservation is super intimidating to me. It’s been years since I’ve seriously gardened due to a combination of problematic living arrangements and severe chronic pain issues, but it’s something I know I’ll need to do and something I’d really like to do as well, so having some support for that will be very welcome.
And I haven’t read all the comments here, so maybe someone mentioned this already, but there are a lot of things I’d like to be able to do that I just can’t because of my back pain (things like building construction/maintenance or chopping wood). This makes me feel hugely vulnerable – I mean, it’s one thing to know how to do something even if it’s not your favorite or a thing you do poorly, and it’s quite another to not be able to do it at all, ever. I’m really curious as to what others who are dealing with disabilities of various kinds are doing to fill in those gaps. Focus on the things you can still do and try to make some extra income on those? Bartering or skill-sharing? Cooperative living arrangements? I’m actually thinking of starting a blog where these things can be discussed more specifically, because honestly, disabled folks have to have some sort of means whereby they are needed and valued so that we are not neglected when shit starts hitting the fan (and also just to give us more reasons to get up in the morning!).
I’ve got to start learning from my kids. They’re not afraid to tackle anything. My 9 year old son looks forward to every issue of the Cub Scout magazine called Boys’ Life. I always suspect that he is up to something when he says “MOM! I need a shoebox! Where’s the tinfoil?!” and then he proudly shows me his solar-powered hotdog cooker or some such thing.
If you go into a classroom of little kids and ask them competency questions, like “Can you sing? Can you draw? Can you cook? Can you build?” They typically will answer Sure! — and then look at you like you’re nuts.
But if you ask a roomful of adults the same questions, you’ll see a very different confidence level. We grownups tend to complicate things so much by assuming it is embarrassing to be a newbie at anything. Kids approach new skills with a sense of adventure and giggling and unabashed screwing up. I want to be more like that. And I want to keep my kids thinking that way for as long as possible.
[...] post that I thought might be of interest is this one about the ‘gaps’ in our self-sufficiency skill set. It is an interesting challenge, and [...]
Slight re-arrangement of my priorities above (learn to spin, also mend small electricals)-I’ve just been given two knitting machines, good sturdy human-powered devices; now I need to learn to use them effectively too…
My pressure canner and my hatchet scare me. When I was newly single with a farm and three kids and three steers and flocks of chickens and turkeys…… well, I learned to slow it down. Never fixed a fence? Give yourself enough patience and time to figure it out. Go easy. I will never forget the triumph I felt after installing my first car battery. Neither will the kids. I was jumping around the house! My approach to new skills was not the fear of not being good enough, but out and out anger of having to pick up all the “guy stuff”. But, I had to get over it.
I’m in! I’ve been telling myself for too long that I’m “not good at” several things, and thereby given myself an excuse to stop trying.
First, I’m with Ani on the learning to purl. I learned the knit stitch and can make very knitted dishcloths, but I have let the purling stop me from going any farther.
I have many skills I learned as a teenager when my mom was going through her “crisis is coming, live off the land” phase during the oil crisis of the 70s. I’m finding when I need to do one of these things, canning for instance, it comes back to me pretty quickly with a little effort.
But my second thing I need to confront is gardening. Growing up in the midwest and going through the above-mentioned phase, I *thought* I knew how to garden. But we live in the South now and things don’t grow for me like they did up north. I’ve been saying “I’m not good at gardening”, but I need to work through this and figure out what we’re doing wrong.
D mentioned above the challenges of doing physical labor with a pain condition. I also have a chronic pain situation, and that has stopped me from gaining some of the more physical skills. I think community of some sort is the answer here. I have my immediate family (husband and two hard-working children) but also my church family. If my husband and kids were unable to handle the heavier things I could see working cooperatively with this “extended family” to get things done, perhaps in exchange for the things I am able to do that they might not know how to do.
More about knitting: I’ve been telling myself I don’t need to know how to knit well for two reasons: living in the south, and knowing how to crochet. But the sock-making thing is what’s convincing me I need to persevere. Yes, I could crochet socks, but crocheting uses significantly more yarn than knitting and that could be an issue in hard times. I’m also realizing that just because I now have no problem staying warm (mild winters plus central heating plus perimenopause!) that might not always be the case. So being able to knit a sweater might be more important to me in the future.
Thanks for the challenge!
Your list:
cook a decent meal – Yes. VERY capable. Near Iron Chef abilities.
handle an injury or illness crisis – depending on what it is, I can be OK
tend a sick kid – done lots of that.
fix a broken step – Did it last week
darn a sock – So-So. Need practice.
dehydrate a tomato – no idea.
tell a story – a litle too good at that.
grow a potato – will find out this spring
build a sun oven – I have the plans – will likely give it a wack this summer.
bake a loaf of bread – OK. Not great. Passable.
put up fence – never did it.
season cast iron – many times.
mend a rip – OK to Good.
care for a dying person – too many times I care to count, ad I find that Really Depressing.
sing a baby to sleep – did that. pretty good.
clean a toilet – expert.
knit or crochet a sock – never did it
fix a roof – never did it
use a weapon – what kind of a weapon? Guns? poor. Bow and Arow – mediocre. Baseball bat – pretty good.
plant a tree – Planted 3. 2 grew.
immobilize a limb – never did that.
make someone understand a counter-intuitive idea – Sharon – I get paid to do that.
save seed – never did that.
sharpen a knife – expert.
chop garlic – expert
make beer – never did it
have courage – OK to middling.
fix a bicycle tire – expert
make soup – expert
give a pep talk – pretty good
So, I guess I’m OK?
HW
“D” – just a quick comment… I too deal with significant pain and disability. I learned several years ago that I (and most people) can do ANYTHING in 15 minute increments.
I love the outside, I love to garden… I discovered a trash filled depression/hole in my (rented) wooded back yard and envisioned a “zen-type” garden/pond. 6 months later, 15 minutes at a time, one-bucket of trash, then one bucket of hand picked rocks (sitting down) at a time I made a beautiful rock creek and “pond” with tiny wooden bridge and scrounged wooden ducks to “float” in the pond.
A pain management program now uses the before and after pictures as inspiration for “time and energy” management and “pacing” education.
Now I just gotta get out there and weed the thing again, LOL.
D, would love to read the blog you mentioned starting. Hope you do!
Pacific Northwest Grandma
I keep thinking of Red Green- “If women dont findf you handsome they should at least find you handy”
I am using Hanry Warwick’s list:
cook a decent meal – Yes.
handle an injury or illness crisis – Having a lot of first aid training, I should be able to
tend a sick kid – Don’t know
fix a broken step – Sure
darn a sock – Used to be able to
dehydrate a tomato – Yes
tell a story – Nope
grow a potato -Yes
build a sun oven – Some one give me the plans I can make it
bake a loaf of bread – Yes. If no knead breads count
put up fence – Wood or Chain Link
season cast iron – Like seasoning a fry pan? Yes
mend a rip – OK to Good.
care for a dying person – Yes
sing a baby to sleep – Dont know
clean a toilet – expert.
knit or crochet a sock – never did it
fix a roof – Can put a new roof on- never repaired a roof. Well now wait that one time
use a weapon – what kind of a weapon? Guns? Yes. Bow and Arow – mediocre. Baseball bat – pretty good.
plant a tree – Yes I can
immobilize a limb – Yes
make someone understand a counter-intuitive idea – You talk to my bosses at work!
save seed – Yes
sharpen a knife -Yes
chop garlic – Yes
make beer – never did it
have courage – OK to middling.
fix a bicycle tire – Yes
make soup – Yes
give a pep talk -Dont know
[...] of the always-fascinating writing has started the Competence Project over at her blog. (And if you click on the link, go look at her post-election post titled [...]
I have gotten to thinking about this and I have to leave another message. I would like to get a loom and make rugs.
On account of my medical condition there are lots of things I will be too difficult for me in terms of becoming more well-rounded. On the other hand, this dependence is a gift that enables others around me to develop their skills! Because my available energy is limited I have to focus rather tightly on my daily goals….being unfocused or idealistic are luxuries I can’t afford. Being part of a community and a little less of a self-reliant tough cookie has been the thing I have had to learn.
I am also thinking about an educational theory that has to do with proximity. Learn (or teach) the fact or skill that is next to what you already know. Go in on the shallow end instead of throwing yourself in the deep water.
It would be nice to have a cheap and reliable source of instructions for all of these numerous things one might wish to learn. 4-H used to have a whole selection of booklets designed for youth that were relatively clear and simple. Here’s a website that sells current 4-H resources, which some people might find useful.
http://www.4-hmall.org/Curriculum.aspx
They currently don’t have a knitting program, at least that they offer literature for (good riddance, it was in 4-H that I foolishly learned to mirror-knit many years ago) and do have a “Microwave” category with, yeesh, a set of five booklets providing “advanced activities” for the microwave. But the overall concept is praiseworthy. Is there any similar source for a broad variety of hands-on educational materials? (I also would like to receive a merit badge if I ever get this pair of 100+-hour-socks finished, BTW. Can I apply to Sharon for that?
)
[...] 11, 2008 by artbystrongheart A few days ago, Sharon over at Casaubon’s Book had a post The Competence Project that lead me to think about learning how to do more things for myself. She started with one of my [...]
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I’m so angry about my ignorance of car repair, I’m completely disgusted with myself. Just today I took in my new (well, 2004 is new as far as I’m concerned) Toyota to the dealer for a simple repair of a recalled part, and found myself listening to a service guy listing out the $1292 worth of OTHER things that need to be done: new radiator, brake pads etc. I politely declined, since I know where I can get the work done cheaper. He kept shaking his head at me and saying gently “WELL now missy, it really needs to be done, you know.” I hate that mechanics see me and think: “Cha CHING! She’s an idiot!” Oh how I angry I am. There’s a sucker born every minute, true enough. Just ask the auto dealerships!
I hate that cars are so necessary where I live!
[...] at Causabon’s Book wrote last week about The Competence Project. She gives a list of skills that every person should have and I’ve been thinking about [...]
[...] the knit stitch over and over and over again. Sharon over at Casaubon’s Book started The Competence Project, and I’m participating by learning to knit (the entire post is worth reading even if you [...]
The first time I tried to make jam it burnt and I had to throw it out. The second time it set like concrete and I had to throw it out (along with the jar). Until I read your post I’d decided I just couldn’t do it.
You inspired me to gave it another shot and, guess what, I’ve just made the most delicious, perfectly set strawberry jam I have ever eaten!
It feels great to have overcome that mental block. Next on my list is making a wooden box and then knitting a pair of socks.
[...] Sharon, of Casaubon’s Book–a blog I regularly read–recently posted about her own Competence Project. It sounds like a great idea to me, and I’m going to use her challenge to push myself to [...]
I guess I think I have a pretty good handle on your list with the exception of making my own socks and using a weapon. I have been thinking about the latter and I really don’t see myself using a gun but I would like to learn archery. It is something both of my girls learned at camp and I think it looks fun so maybe I will give that a go. I will figure out the sock thing eventually but my knitting skills are still at the scarf and dishcloth stage.
[...] As we’ve embarked on a more self-sufficient lifestyle, we’ve involved ourselves in a process of learning many practical skills (which means I’ll be doing a lot of my own car maintenance now and then…I’ve gotten better at that). I’ve noticed a lot of others doing the same — tackling the learning of practical skills to broaden our abilities and quality of life rather than forgoing them or having to hire others and thereby remain dependent on available help. One of the most recent is Sharon’s Competency challenge…you can find the link here. [...]
Whatever you do, don’t put that Heinlein quote on your resume
[...] on December 15th, 2008 I’ve been thinking about things like this quote I found on Sharon’s blog: A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, [...]
[...] & The Competence Project I read a post on Casaubon’s Book, a while ago that really spoke to me and I have been meaning to write about it for sometime now. [...]