Toys R Not Us: Making a Homemade Holiday
Sharon October 21st, 2009
I just read a story from a Very Important Paper suggesting that retail sales seem to be rising because Americans are suffering from “frugality fatigue” – we’re soooooooo terribly tired of not consuming, and we’ve been functioning at austerity levels for soooooo long that we’re all done now. So even though more and more people don’t have jobs, and a new evaluation shows that one in six of us is under the poverty line and one in nine needs food stamps to keep the wolf from the door, and we’re expecting almost 1.5 million more foreclosures this quarter….we’ve been frugal long enough and it is time for a party.
Right. Seriously, Americans have dropped their consumption a little, but we haven’t even begun to move seriously towards a way of life that could persist for our children and grandchildren. Don’t get me wrong – I know the lure of retail therapy (as I mentioned recently) but we just can’t afford to indulge it. More importantly, we don’t need to indulge it – we can have the pleasure of new and beautiful and luxurious without the pain of the credit card bills and ecological destruction – we just need to place things in proportion.
As we approach the holidays, we all know on some level that the typical American orgy of spending can’t go on – that it is bad for our families, bad for the planet, bad for all of us. But it is really hard not to do it – we’re so deeply accustomed to spending too much and paying later, to giving each other too much, no matter what the cost. But we truly can’t afford to ever say “who cares about the cost” anymore, on any level.
All of this sounds a little depressing – the idea of the frugal holiday can sound bleak until you start to explore your options and realize just how much fun you can have doing it good *and* cheap. I’m actually a big fan of presents and celebrations – in a sustainable life, ordinary days are, well, ordinary – you work hard, you live simply, you eat basic foods and you make do a lot. And then, a few times a year, you feast, you celebrate, you get something new and beautiful, you feel refreshed by drink and food and pleasure. This is good and it is important.
The problem, of course, is that we don’t live the ordinary life that would make this viable – our daily meals are feasts compared to most people’s lives, so an extraordinary meal has to become ridiculous to stand out. Our ordinary lives involve plenty of new things and luxuries, so you have to give huge gifts to make them seem special. A lot of what is needed here isn’t so much cutting back on the holidays – although there’s that too – but creating lives that allow us to enjoy our feasts and festivals for what they are – special, but not extravagant. If you eat ice cream and cake regularly, a birthday cake isn’t enough. If you buy yourself presents on a regular basis, a new pair of socks won’t thrill you. If we step back in our ordinary lives, we can make the festivals magic again.
I had three children between the end of October and the middle of December, so my kids (except Eli who has a March birthday) already have a predisposition to excess around the fall-winter holiday cycle – we have the Jewish fall holidays, Asher’s birthday, Halloween, Simon’s birthday, Thanksgiving, Chanukah and Isaiah’s birthday in quick succession – the last six in a period of six weeks. And since we’re party people – that is, we tend to go light on presents but have plenty of friends and food – that means a heck of a lot of celebrations. I’m for this – a friend of mine and I once envisioned a cookbook called the “any excuse for a party” cookbook – in which we imagined meals and menus for every conceivable occasion for inviting guests – because while I don’t think one needs to offer everyone smoked salmon-chevre puffs, I’m all for inviting people in to eat, and sharing meals at the root of our festive events.
We try very hard to moderate the scale, though – no salmon puffs here! Our birthday parties have a pattern – we invite the kids’ friends and their parents, most of whom are our friends. We serve a lot of food (simple, but people seem to like it), and the children get some kind of beverage treat – either lemonade spritzers (lemonade and seltzer) or homemade soda. Each child gets to pick a cake. And then everyone runs around and plays until they are exhausted, and that’s it. The grownups sit about and chat, the kids run with the goats, climb the trees or play in the creek, we all eat cake, and that’s all. I have to say, I love these parties – they are friendly and warm and fun for everyone. I love hosting them, I love cooking for them. We usually also do one for Chanukah – although sometimes it gets combined with Isaiah’s birthday, depending on the timing (Isaiah actually likes this).
Present-wise, we try and keep things pretty restrained, and to achieve both happiness and utility. This year’s major Chanukah gift for each boy will be a blanket – I had originally planned to make a large fleece blanket for Eli, who loves to wrap up when he’s tired, but the boys (who were at the fabric store with me) were so excited by the idea of homemade blankets that they begged for one for each of them as a gift – and for the chance to help sew them. This is the sort of things mothers don’t complain about 
.
The blankets should adorn their beds for many years to come, and if I’m going to buy something new, that’s generally my requirement – it should be something of lasting value. For their birthdays, the boys have asked for kiddush cups of their own – they like to drink out of the fancy wine glasses or the delicate glass kiddush cups we have on Shabbos, but my antique wine glasses are, predictably, starting to decline in number. I ruled that we would no longer use my grandmother’s wine glasses, but Isaiah asked me if they could have their own kiddush cups, and since I don’t plan to buy breakable ones, this is a good investment – something they’ll have into adulthood.
Otherwise, we give them small things – books, often purchased used, homemade things like mittens or treats, small toys I’ve found used over the year at yard sales and such. They do get eight gifts over the nights of Chanukah (one of the gifts is the chance to give a Heifer fund gift to someone else – each year the children are allowed to choose an animal to donate in their names as one of their gifts) but not all from us – Grandmothers and aunts make up most of the total.
For the rest of the family, we’re giving the gift of meat chickens for everyone’s freezer, and other things from the farm – the chickens have already been delivered, and everyone else will get a basket of goat cheese, jam and other treats. We give similar baskets to teachers and bus drivers and such.
I do buy a few presents, mostly high quality toys for my nieces. We’re hoping to get a digital camera and also give out our “Gleanings Farm Alphabet Book” with pictures for each letter. I try to knit things as well, but I’m constantly behind on that front .
I really like Crunchy Chickens “Buy Handmade for the Holidays” Challenge - it focuses on making our gifts the best possible kind – homemade, if we can, locally handmade if not, or bartered or used. I’d encourage all of us to join in on this one – frugality doesn’t have to produce fatigue, it can also produce joy and excitement. I’d also add that giving gifts of service, charity and celebration have an important role – if you can’t buy something, offer your time, or your skills or your company for some hard job.
So what are you making or doing for your holidays? How will you celebrate, and make the festival what it should be?
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This post really speaks to me. Both my mom and my mother-in-law can go overboard with presents, and I fear that next Christmas will be way overindulgent for our baby. I’ve spoken to each of them about guidelines for what will be appropriate, and spent time reminiscing with my brothers and my husband’s siblings about our favorite toys: blocks, sticks, cardboard boxes, dolls… and of course our favorite things to play with were our pets. So I think (hope) that the moms will understand and give presents that reflect our simple values. I don’t want an overwhelming sea of plastic for each birthday and holiday!
As for us, my husband and I don’t exchange. Instead, we share a meal and save money (that’s for holidays, birthdays, anniversaries). My brothers and I don’t exchange. I’ve asked for furniture for the baby’s room this year, and for some kitchen tools that I know I’ll get a lot of use out of once the baby’s here, especially a metal food mill.
For giving, I’ve been canning like crazy. I’m giving apple themed gifts this year to parents and grandparents: cinnamon cider jelly, unsweetened applesauce, apple butter, apple pie filling, cranapplesauce. I also bought a beautiful drawing of horse-drawn collection of maple syrup for my in-laws and my husband is going to build a frame for it. I’m also planning to make a round of scarves for the ladies, since the last ones I gave were about 5 years ago (or maybe more…). Simple, thoughtful, and homemade are our theme this year (and most years).
One of my favorite gifts, which I received in my early 20′s from a newly-married and newly-graduated friend, was a mason jar filled with the dry ingredients for cranberry scones. On the jar, she’d placed a handsome sticker listing additional required ingredients (butter, eggs, etc.) and cooking instructions. She had cut a circle of pretty fabric which she tied with a ribbon around the lid of the jar.
This probably doesn’t sound particularly unique, but at 21, we had all been used to shopping for each other’s gifts at the mall and such. That was the first set of scones I ever made from “scratch,” and I still remember being thrilled at their smell and taste as I ate them in my tiny apartment. I thought about my own very tight budget, and how much her delicious gift (which she gave to more than a dozen people) must have cost, and how wise and wonderful the whole thing was.
That’s what started my own efforts to (sometimes, but not often enough!) make gifts for friends and loved ones… like fleece blankets, olive oil with rosemary from the garden, photo scrapbooks, baby clothes and blankets, etc.
Thanks for this lovely post!
I took you up on your challenge last year to become capable in a new skill. I have finally learned how to use my treadle sewing machine. This year I am making some pencil/knitting needle cases out of fabric I found at the Goodwill. My boys will get a new pair of PJ bottoms, again out of flannel that I found at the Goodwill.
I started knitting for Christmas last spring with hats and such for the kids. I have a couple of vests to make for hubby and my older son. They are quick and should only take a week each.
I have been knitting small toys like finger puppets/ hand puppets and small gnomes from free patterns found on Ravelry ( best site ever for knitters!). I am using mostly scrap yarn for these. I will give these to my nieces along with a book and mittens.
Friends and extended family will get some canned jams or sauces along with a knitted dishcloth and maybe something sweet that we’ve baked.
This year we are not using wrapping paper. I have found small tins at the Goodwill to use and I am also making fabric bags out of scraps and ribbon.
I found a stein at a yard sale for Hubby. He is a home brewer and appreciates a good vessel. There are a couple of books I am giving brand new but they are by local authors bought at a local bookstore.
My kids LOVE to decorate so much of the month will be spent on holiday crafting. We are also a service project and lots of baking for friends. I have a few things to make, but with a 1, 3, 6 yr old my handmade is less than I would like.
We do the 4 (need, want, wear, read) gifts plus a “stocking” (art supplies)from Santa. Each will get a lasting (we buy mostly wood) toy, books, footie pj’s (by request), and something made by me, clothing, probably dress-up stuff. We have always bought little for xmas since I never wanted them to expect a “bog show down.” My parents went overboard and I remember I never really felt good about the gifts, like something was missing, I hadn’t received the ‘prefect gift” …Yuck. I never want my kids to feel this way, unfortunately my in-laws go a bit crazy, but maybe this year they will pull back a bit due to the economy, who knows.
I’ve started something of a pattern of giving purchased gifts for birthdays, and giving homemade things for Christmas (although there are occasional reversals of that). The purchased things are never extravagant and I’m pretty choosy about them, and it seems to be a nice balance. I do still struggle with finding homemade gifts for certain people, though. Namely my father and stepfather, and my 25-year-old sister, none of whom are really into that kind of stuff. I’ve had some hits and some misses for sure!
I generally make one homemade and purchase a couple of presents for close family (Partner and parents) and then make presents for siblings and friends. Last year it was several types of cookies, the year before, knitted dishcloths (da*& you Mason Dixson ball band dishcloth pattern, so addictive). THis year it will be jellies or fruit butters and chutneys or pickles.
Other years I have tied fleece blankets or made photo albums or baskets, knit socks and mittens and sweaters etc. It is a lot of fun to collect presents, but it does take planning a preparation when you can’t run to the store at the last minute!
Remember that the hype about Americans tired of frugality could all be a advertising/media hype — just like the hype about the recession being over. We’re fed encouraging news because the merchandisers need us to go out and keep spend — they’re all very afraid of their bottom line for Christmas sales. I predict the next blurb will be to hurry and buy your toys as there is a very limited supply due to the credit difficulties of merchandisers earlier this year.
I have bought from the Goodwill (other wise known as GW Boutique) 100% wool sweaters, the biggest I could find. I have fulled (felted) them and then cut them apart and reassembled the pieces into larger sweaters for the kids and adults alike. Keeping in mind co-ordinating colours etc. They are really warm and can be embellished to suit the person receiving them with other bits of wool or hand embroidered. Mitts, hats and even slippers can be made this way also. Once the sweaters have been felted they can be cut and they won’t ravel. You don’t even need a sewing machine, they can be hand sewn. It is also a great way to use any old wool sweaters that might have holes or are now to small. We have asked everybody to make their presents this year, and to limit the gifts.
Our big wild holiday is Thanksgiving. We keep the religious ones quiet and introspective. We used to do Thanksgiving here at our farmhouse in Maine. I cleared out enough furniture so every family had their own room arranged for their needs and preferences. Now that my parents are doddering, we’ve been doing it at our summer camp near their home. I used to do almost everything – others seemed reluctant to do much more than bring a dessert. Now I can’t get there early, so my three sisters and father have taken over most of it. I still do all the vegetables from our garden. It’s more of a shared event now, which is what I have tried for all along. Thanksgiving has become our Christmas presents to all the family. I give some Christmas money to nieces and nephews and let them handle their own finances. That’s it. Just all the effort we put out to get together on Thanksgiving.
I have been thinking that I will strap on my boots and load my backpack with the most essential items such as a tent and sleeping bag, a few warm clothes, first aid kit, field guides for plants, maps, etc and heading out the road. I have a few old friends that want me to visit and I have a small list of places I have always wanted to see.
I don’t have much left to give anyone else.
I’m finding Christmas harder and harder to “do,” becuase I’ve run out of homemade ideas that don’t involve a cash investment, and becausae for the last few years I’ve had to share the idea I have with my elder daughter.
Horrible as this sounds, if people actually needed things — such as mittens or dried spices or needle cases — it would be much easier.
My own girls are a snap — replacement school supplies, sometimes a needed piece of clothing, books from the book sale at the library where I work, hopefully some sort of craft project, ditto, and some candy and it’s done. My parents very kindly contribute towards dance class for one and music for the other, and also give them something from the knitting sale a work, which includes knitting Christmas tree trinkets.
Local friends get homemade food — generally a promise of soup or cookies that they can call in when needed. It’s really a bit of a cheat, since I’m alway happy to provide a meal to carry to a neigbor’s house, but people are very gracious.
Oh, but some of the in-laws….
In the spirit of what Sharon says, I think one thing people could do to easy the transition is let go of the idea of a perfect celebration as a measure of self-worth. I’m starting to see the “I can’t give the children the holiday we had last year and that makes me feel like a bad partent” stuff starting.
MEA — who was challenged to make a knitted “wee willie woolen warmer” for a kilt wear friend as a birthday present. She declined — but wondered now if there is a market.
P.S. ex consumer — I love your idea. There are friends I would dearly love to see again and would welcome them after a long winter hike with elation (and a hot cup of tea).
I am making my daughter a stuffed animal out of an old destoyed cashmere sweater from Goodwill and looking for a used waldorf doll and wooden pram for her to push it with now that she is walking. That’s it other than some used board books I have picked up since her birthday. That is plenty.
My stepson is receiving the seven books in a 13 book series that he doesn’t own that I picked up at the town library sale and something else that has not been decided yet.
My husband and I are not exchanging gifts and our standard gift to others/ bring to parties is made from scatch food. People are pretty happy when my cookies come around. We only give the kids gifts on their birthdays and hannukah so even a small amount is quite a bit at our house.
I love that you are giving meat chickens as gifts! I would love to receive that!!!
I am thinking I could buy grassfed, pastured chickens from our local farm and do the same thing. They actually package them up nicely in shrink wrap with a nice foil sticker with the farm’s name on it. I buy them all the time for ourselves but it would make a great gift!! Thanks for making me think of it!
For the last several years, we have made Christmas candy for our relatives. We know each of their favorites and we put them in christmas tins that we find at garage sales through the year. A couple of people give us back the same tin year after year to refill. The kids participate in making the sweets (especially decorating the sugar cookies), its fun to put them all together, and we always make a few extra to give away to whomever we think of. It’s something that doesn’t take up space in their houses and hopefully reminds them of holidays when their parents/grandparents used to make Christmas candy as a special treat. We are, unfortunately, the only ones on either side of the family that are keeping up this tradition.
We have a tradition for Christmas, everyone purchases a gift that cost less than a specific amount ($20), then we draw numbers and make a game out of opening and trading the gifts. Sometimes, the gifts are really nice, useful, and “fought over.” Other times, the gifts can be, “trinket-y.” Last year, my DH and I searched and searched for good, non-”trinket-y” gifts for the game, but were snowed-in and didn’t make it to the party, so we’ll get to take these same gifts this time, provided we don’t have all the ice and snow we did last winter! Although I’d love to make all our gifts, I also like to support our local economy, so when handmade at home isn’t just right, I go for local – a basket of local wines and cheeses, other seasonal selections, services (e.g. massage), or the ever-popular consumables – coffee beans and a travel mug, etc.
DH and I try to get each other things that we really want or need – DH’s birthday was a few weeks ago, and he got cash to spend as he desired, sometimes, we agree to not buy anything and spend the day doing something we don’t make enough time for during the rest of the year, etc. I’m hoping to finish more home made things for the holidays… but it’s good to know when I’ll need to start for next year, should I fall short this year.
–Erika
Last year I gave my husband and one set of close friends poems I’d written for them, printed out nicely and framed in dollar store frames. They were thrilled!
This year, folks may get gift cards for their favorite grocery store. Not homemade, but definitely handy, esp since a lot of our friends are unemployed or underemployed.
The hardest gifts are the “obligation” presents–brother-in-law’s family, especially college-age kids, the secret santa exchange at work.
Currently my husband’s family has a gift lottery with a price limit (each adult gets another adult, each kid gets another kid). There has been talk about doing away with the adult part, but I don’t think a decision has been made on that yet. We all agree the best part is getting together and hanging out for the day. Gifts are usually store bought, but some are homemade or crafted by local artists.
Wrapping paper is re-used when possible, and we have some cloth bags in use now. I made a bunch and gave some out to try to encourage this. But really, it’s taking a long time for us to use up the paper and paper bags we all already had, so I expect paper to be with us for some time to come.
Outside the family, we often give maple syrup as a gift — most of our friends love maple syrup, so it’s always a winner (very local product, as we make it).
We’re going to a wedding this weekend and my husband came up with a present that I think the bride at least will love, from some things we already have. I don’t know if she reads your blog, so I can’t say what it is.
I would like to share a story that conveys the “end result” of the type of celebration traditions and gift-giving techniques mentioned by Sharon and her readers. My household consist of my husband, myself, and our now 23-year old son who happens to spend most of his time at grad school. During his growing-up years, our son was never neglected but by the age of 6 or 7 he had already noticed a great deal of difference in our holiday practices and gifts received when compared to those of his classmates and friends. At the age of 3 his friend went to Disneyworld and he wanted to go too. I carefully explained to him that a special trip would be nice but that it was expensive, meant travel and use of fuel, that we would need to eat and have proper lodging. A coffee can went on the kitchen table and for 3 years every coin that came into his possession landed in the can. This included gifts from family and friends for his birthday, money raised by picking up aluminum cans, and money earned by helping his mom do things that brought in extra income. This instilled in our son a very early appreciation of 1) protecting the environment (picked up trash while we picked up cans); 2) the hard work it takes to accummulate enough money to meet a goal 3) importance of preparation and planning( baked snacks, packed a crockpot, etc for food/drinks on the road) and 4) he enjoyed his trip to the max because of his hard work. When the necessary funds had finally accumulated in his coffee can, my little 6-year old headed to the bank to cash in his money for travelers checks.
We celebrate with handmade, second-hand, useful and book gifts. Each member of the family has an extensive collection of wonderful used books that have been read, re-read, and shared w/others. Our son treasures his “library”. One of the neatest gifts I received from my husband was a punch bowl set purchased at a 2nd-hand store for next to nothing after I had complained about not having one to use when we have parties. Best times with family & friends have included meeting at a home for a potlock dinner and walking to town to watch the 4th of July parade carrying our lawn chairs; Grandma’s recent birthday was a supper at our home of homemade soup, bread, and cake all prepared with little trouble and very minimal expense. To get to the point of the “end result” of years of these practices, consider this: Our 23-year old son did not get a car (like his schoolmates) as a gift on his 16th birthday; when he was 20 (and truly needed it)he purchased a well-maintained car with his own saved money as he left home to begin his junior year of college after finishing community college; he completed 4 years of college without borrowing money from anyone and without having anyone hand it to him….he earned money, saving everything with the goal of using it for his education, he earned scholarships thru lots of hard work and essay writing. He is now working toward a post-graduate degree with the same goal in mind while his friends lanquish in debt from car purchases, college loans, and credit card balances for new clothes. He wears mostly clothing purchased at 2nd hand stores, yard sales, or received as gifts. By the way, did I mention he receives many comments from friends and co-workers complimenting him on his very sharp wardrobe. I am pleased that we have raised a child to adulthood who has goals rather than “I wants”. He recently shared a story that one of his friends after asking him where he got his new (2nd-hand) shirt, stated “I would never consider wearing something from a 2nd-hand shop…I want all of my stuff unworn by anybody else…” Son just laughed and said the price was right and you just complimented me, and how do you know no one wore your clothes before you bought them? If any reader is worried that your child won’t fit in with the other kids, please think about the fact that you are raising an individual who will be very much his own person and well able to handle any situation that comes his/her way because he/she has the confidence that comes from playing their own drum and not having to “keep up” with anybody else; you are raising a child that will value everything they do have and take nothing for granted; you are raising a child you will use resources carefully and walk softly on the earth; you are raising an individual who will live a happy and wonderful life.
They will not join the legions of folks who have everything material, but who have nothing in reality.
Simple useful gifts like fleece blankets, scarves and hats are nice and easy to make. A nice tin of cookies or a pretty loaf of bread are great too.
I’m pretty handy, so I’ve made more complex things at times. Once I scanned a medieval illuminated border I’d done, then made it small on the computer. I got a copy of prayer of St. Francis (a SIL who’s Roman Catholic), did it up in a gothic font and fit it into the border. I’d made it small and the prayer took a few pages that way, because I wanted to use an Altoids box for the container/bookcover. I used some polymer clay to cover/decorate the outside of the box, but you could paint it or do decoupage easily enough. I printed the pages as one long strip and folded it like an accordion (fanfold), with extra paper at either end. The extra paper gets glued to the inside of the front and back of the tin. I used the clay because I wanted to create a medieval-looking cover. After all that I was afraid she wouldn’t like it, but she loved it.
Obviously, most folks don’t have time to do that all the time, but it was a lot of fun, and you could make one with a story or poem(s), or photos, or whatever comes to mind.
I love receiving handmade gifts, because I feel like anyone can go out and “buy” something, but it really takes some time, effort and thought to make a gift for someone.
I don’t know, yet, what I’m going to do for everyone, but I should probably start thinking about it. I’m sure there will be lots of flannel involved, though, as I’m not very talented with my sewing machine, but the one thing I seem to do fairly well is make pants. My son-in-law has already put in a request for a pair
.
The hardest part is deciding what to give my family who live out-of-state. It’s hard to know what they need or want when I don’t speak to them very often, and so making gifts for them is a particular challenge. I could give them things we’ve home-canned, but that’s our food storage, and I can’t give away the food we’re going to eat
.
Anyway, thanks for the reminder that it’s time to start thinking about that sort of thing.
I have actually always really appreciated this about Chanukkah at my house, we are just not a present family! My mom will occasionally (like 3 nights out of the
buy as something small, like underwear or gelt 
but the other nights the holiday is just about being together as a family and I really like that mentality, and hope to pass it on to my kids someday.
I am trying to do some knitted gifts this year, but I am a slooooooow knitter so I will probably have to end up thinking of something else!
I take sort of an opposite approach — every year, I give ONE person a handmade gift. I can knit well, but not fast!
I sold off all my holiday decorations a few years ago and rarely exchange gifts with friends and family. Instead, I attend holiday gatherings at the home of the mother of a friend where food and visiting are the highlights. The group is usually family with some friends and is always enjoyable. When I do exchange gifts, the gifts generally have a food focus (locally made artisan breads, coffee cards, etc.) or are books from a locally owned bookstore. With my sister’s kids, I let them select animals they want to donate to the Heifer Project and then cover the cost.
This year, however, my church may get involved with the Advent Conspiracy (http://www.adventconspiracy.org/). The concept, as stated on the web page is to Worship Fully, Spend Less, Give More and Love All. It will be interesting to see if, as a congregation, we can do so.
Kerri in AK
My MIL is a serious spendthrift – you can’t buy her something she needs, she already has five of it – and my own family prefer minimal gifts but are philosophically free-market cornucopians who look at you like you’re crazy if you express any doubts about the sustainability of BAU. I like to find ways to give them sneaky-sustainable gifts, like giving my sister warm slippers so she’ll be comfortable without cranking the heat up so far, without telling them why.
We do a few different things. Last year we bought a new toy and a new book for each of our two kids. I picked them up some clothes at the resale shop or Salvation Army as well. We plan to do these things again this year. Last year I sewed doll clothes for my daughter and made a stuffed animal for my son. I knit scarves for just about everyone in the family. My husband made me a wood shelf for the bathroom and my daughter made bead necklaces and bracelets for the ladies in the family. Parents, in-laws, and siblings all got baskets of homemade food and homemade soap. It was a big hit. Close friends got fresh bread.
This year I’m making fingerless mittens for everyone. (I’m selling the mittens and the soap at craft shows which helps with expenses and makes any holiday shopping nearly free!) Family will get jam and bread. Neighbors will get a plate a fudge. (and I pay them in fudge every time they plow our driveway). We grew popcorn this year and I’m hoping give that as gifts, too.
We will be using the food we grew or bought local and stored for festive meals. My 30th birthday is just before Thanksgiving so we’ll end up with 3 big events before the year is up. I’m thinking homemade applesauce, mashed potatoes (from our garden), and pumpkin pie from our very own pumpkins. We’ll keep it simple and traditional. We’ll make memories with family instead of debt with unnecessary expenses.
Jill in Michigan
I have a couple of ideas brewing for homemade gifts. One is the wrapping itself – a double sided cloth wrap that is Christmassy on one side, and generally festive on the other so that it can be used for birthdays or whatever. I’m a sewing klutz and have managed to make exactly one of these so far (and blogged it).
I also have some salves/balms made from herbs I grew this year to give away, but first I need to melt them down and add more shea butter. I put too much beeswax in the first time around. Other than that, I might give Kiva gift certificates (again) or homemade biscotti (again). I’d love to say it’s realistic for me to knit a few gifts, but I’m better at beginning knitting projects than I am at finishing them…
Other than that, I’m hoping to convince my husband that our gifts to one another should be beekeeping equipment, since we plan to try that for the first time next year. A top bar hive (either made from salvaged wood if we can get that together in time or a purchased, assemble it yourself kit) plus some suits and a simple smoker. I’d like to find them used if we can, but we’ll see.
My foster daughter just turned 18 and is looking forward to living independently in the next few years. I am giveing her a nesting box this year, filled with things for her someday home. I found a set of dishes on clearance and I have been putting in extras of things like can openers and dish towels. I think she will love the box and all that is in it. I found the box at a tag sale.
We’re having a mostly homemade Christmas. I bought several yards of various Christmas fabrics when it was on sale last January, so I’m sewing up variety of different sized gift bags. Some will be used to “wrap” gifts and others will be given in sets as the gift. I’m hoping that in a few years as I add more each year that these gift bags will just keep making the rounds back and forth between our family.
I’m also knitting dish clothes and sewing and embroidering Christmas ornaments and decorations.
Hubby’s grandchildren will be getting books and one handmade toy each.
There will be a few store bought gifts but these are practical items like baking pans and other kitchen accessories for our girls. Our son has asked for things for his dorm room next year… towels, sheets and blankets so he’ll be getting those.
Hubby and I haven’t decided what we’re doing for each other this year for Christmas… sometimes we buy each other small gifts of books and clothes and other years we decide on a joint gift that we both will enjoy. Christmas is the only holiday where hubby and I exchange gifts. For our birthday (both on the same day) and for our anniversary (a few days before Valentine’s) we go out for dinner just the two of us.
Every year for Christmas I make a special type of Italian pastry for my father, that he loves, for his gift. It has also become the dessert for the family gathering. They’re very time-consuming, and I also bake a lasagna for the crowd, and work full-time, but it was do-able.
Now, though … most of the crowd wants the pastries (vanilla and chocolate) in their original form; my father needs a sugar-free variation, one aunt needs a gluten-free variation, and I need a dairy-free one, and the whole thing has turned into many, many hours of work it is very hard to find time for. Kind of a comical turn, for the handmade-with-love gift. This year I plan to take two days off work a few days ahead, to give me a four-day weekend in which to get all of the baking done.
I do give homemade items to most of the people on my list; jams, salsas, various special pastries, quilts on rare occasions, etc. There are four people that doesn’t work so well for me, though; my husband, my two brothers and brother’s girlfriend (though she’s delightfully easy and fun to give gifts to; a beeswax candle from the farmer’s market will make her very happy).
I try to give my husband things like woodworking tools or dvds on woodworking that I know he will especially appreciate and get a lot of use out of. Making shirts for him also makes him really happy, unfortunately, it takes me about a year to turn out one shirt. Really must get better at sewing …
How did fleece become something of lasting value?
Try wool instead if you are looking for lasting & value.
We have a 4-gift-per-child rule for Christmas (from us) – one of which is always a book or books, often secondhand; and one of which is a new pair of swimmers (being Australian and living near the beach, we swim a LOT in our summer here!) The other two presents are as the year and the mood finds us but aren’t expensive – the 6-year-old this year is getting a handmade tutu that I made from scraps of tulle my mother gave me, for instance, while the 4-year-old is getting a patchwork bag for her “treasures” that my friend is helping me sew. Occasionally they will get something larger if it’s functional – last year the 4-year-old got her bicycle, which is a good quality one that will last her for years.
Husband and I always “give” each other something large and functional as a shared gift. Last year we “gave” each other our water tanks. This year we are “giving” each other the skylight in our study that we believe and hope will eliminate the need to use lighting in that room except on the rare occasions when we are working at night. (The room is dark and has inadequate capacity for windows).
To our families, we always give framed pictures of our three girls, charity gift cards, books, and a voucher for some kind of treat (my mother’s this year, for instance, will be for a facial, as she loves them and can’t really afford them). We do not give “objects” and haven’t for years.
Other than that, to non-family, we give:
- home baked food – usually gingerbread, shortbread and fudge
- home made potpourri sachets – made from rose petals, lavender and other aromatics from our garden
- charity gift cards (from Oxfam, usually) – the “give a goat” idea
- a book for each child of friends (usually from a secondhand shop)
Something like this, Maddie?
http://www.fashion-incubator.com/archive/psa-holiday-shopping-2009/
EJ, I have a couple of fleece blankets that were given to the boys at Eli’s birth, and after 10 years of extremely hard wear (and this is older and lower quality fleece, they’ve improved the technology some), they are in wonderful condition – almost no pilling, very soft. We have lots of wool blankets too, but the kids like the softness of polarfleece. As things made from petroleum go, it is a fairly lasting one.
Sharon
I dread Christmas. I can make handmade items and generally do a good job. But my family has a thing against homemade gifts. I have been told to my face that I am not to give some members anything handmade.
This year I am severely cutting back. I cannot afford expensive gifts and the stress is ridiculous.
For my children I am not so sure. My middle child is going to Switzerland (from Australia) for 10 weeks on a state government language exchange. I will probably give her money as I am sure she will need it. She is going to freeze. She already has a supply of hand knitted socks etc. My son has turned 18 so I think I will give him some money too. My youngest is 13 and has always been easy. This year I think I will organise a small summer holiday as Christmas break is our summer holiday. Other than that she needs her uniform for high school and there are many musical items that need repair etc.
[...] Sharon Astyk writes on Casaubon’s book about “Toys R Not Us” [...]
We’re travelling interstate for Christmas this year, with two sets of families to visit. While it isn’t homemade, I’m thinking about reviving a family tradition of tickets to concerts or the theatre.
Oh, I almost forgot. Our church sings carols and visits at the local nursing home. (we have people who minister there each month) They have a tree with the names of the residents and things they need. We take a name from the tree and buy for someone who has a need. Sometimes it’s blankets, or pjs, or special candies. My daughter (she’s 5) makes cards to hand out, too. I’m not sure who gets more out of the experience – the residents at the home or those of us who give gifts and visit.
Jill in Michigan
In our little family, the gifts between my husband and I tend to follow a set pattern – a tool we need, something little we want, and things we make for each other (for example, last year I got a complete set of knitting needles, a skein of luscious yarn, and a handbuilt bookshelf from my husband. He got a brewing kit, some sheet music for his sax he coveted, and some warm knits for hunting and his car).
Its taking some time to adjust the extended family and friends (sadly, my MIL views gifts by their pricetag and things under the $200 mark tend to cause weeks of whining and crying. I’m getting used to it… ) to this type of gift giving, but there really is no other way for us to manage the holidays. This year the family girls (moms, sil, and niece) are getting handknit or sewn hug-me-tights along with some tasty goodies. The boys? Well… there is some time left yet!
It’s taking time and energy, but bit by bit the tide is shifting towards enjoying the holidays for time spent together and reveling in the little joys of the season – and less to what is spent.
We are having a very small present giving season this year – and are carfeully considering what we are giving as well!
We have two children, and each will get a bought gift (small mp3 player for the 8 year old – much wanted!, wooded blocks for the baby), and a few handmade gifts as well.
DPs parents and sister will get framed photos of the kids (my friend is a photographer) and some home/handmade goodies, and we will make some cookies and treats for other family members.
DD loves to gift her friends, so we will make some pencil rolls for them, and no doubt a few other bits and pieces as well.
I’m also doing some herb cuttings for the gardeners in the family, as well as some cloth napkins and crocheted dishcloths
We will be asking for books, school things, and music for the 8 yr old if rels want to buy something, and not much at all for the baby – he is well catered for lol!
Not real sure what I’m going to do for DP – he is tricky!
We try to give thoughtful gifts, but have never been good at handmade. We do attend an annual Christmas party-potluck for which I make a special dish to share.
Some of our better finds included a gargoyle for my dad’s garden (made locally),and for my mom, an original pen and ink drawing of the railroad station where my grandfather was the station agent, and found at our local railroad museum. One of my best received gifts was a coffee table cookbook featuring recipes from a famous restaurant no longer in business, that our family enjoyed going to on special occasions. Fun to look through and reminisce.
This year we plan to get bikes for our adult sons. They have both indicated that they would like to resume bike riding – and it’s good for the environment. Happy Holidays!
Another holiday where homemade enhances the holiday is Halloween. Making your own costume adds to the excitement of the day and you can come up with so much more than the usual garb at the store. My kids prefer homemade costumes to store bought.
I’ve trying to provide more ‘experiences’ than ‘stuff’ over the past few years – my partner & I will have a special dinner & nice wine together; and do old school Xmas lunches with the families (probably in different cities this year!). My sister & I bought theatre tickets for my Mum & her partner. Last year I bought my Dad & his wife an Oxfam goat (donation card) – this year they may get a clean water kit or something similar. I always get treats for the nieces & nephews – this year that will include ‘fancy’ school supplies, including metal water bottles (we start the school year in late January here in Australia).
I’m also hoping to motivate myself to learn how to work the sewing machine properly by making waterbottle carrybags for some friends. I figure they’re small enough projects that I can just complete one at a time, and when I’m done, I’m done (no guilt).
Sorry, in case it’s not obvious from the post above, I’m in Australia & Xmas is HOT here – hence all the water bottle-related gifts
Being Canadians, we don’t get revved up for the holidays until December. Over the years my husband and I have had a few rules. The first one is that we don’t shop until a few days before Christmas…expectations are lower and therefore shopping is more fun (and for some reason, tends to be less expensive). In more recent years we have scaled back a lot, buying our children only a few meaningful gifts at Christmas (and often used things) and giving gifts of our preserves (and this year meat chickens) to other family. With more than 20 years together, we have everything we need so we don’t buy each other much and only give something if it happens to mean something. Now, with construction of our sustainable house (an earthship) , I’m sure our focus will be different, especially as our children (who are 11,10 and 9) are very much on board with this project. We’ve also been trying to shift the focus from gifts to experiences…next year we hope to travel with them so the holidays will be much different in order to accommodate that. They are finally old enough to be able to understand what this may mean. So far so good!
All our relatives get photo albums and food. Now that I’ve found mypublisher.com, my life is a lot easier. Everyone loves getting photos of the boys (and them with the boys if we got together), and seeing all the things we’ve been up to. Then I do jam or dried fruit or something else interesting – maybe this year some chocolate sauce in those mini jam jars.
I used to make jewelry for everyone, but that dropped off when we had the boys. I may start sewing again, though, I really like the water bottle holder idea, and fleece pjs, and rice pillows to heat up and keep your feet warm.
Our Frugal Money group has been talking about either doing assembly line cooking gifts or having everyone bring a bunch of something and then trade around – jam, mixes in jars, sauces & salsas, potholders, like that.
Last year I made soap for the first time; it turned out well and after milling it to put in essential oils and dried flowers I found that I still had lots left over. I gave many of them away as favors at our Yule gathering last year, but I still have enough to do it again (DH was traveling all over the NA continent for his job and he brought home every single bar of soap, bottle of shampoo and conditioner, and lotion they gave him, I have a largish box of them we’re using…we may not need soap until about 2015).
This year I found a good quality lotion recipe and made it, made my own variations to suit our climate, and gave some away. It had such a good reception I plan to make up more.
I have enough time to find several used baskets at the thrift stores, knit some washcloths and scrubby mitts, mill soaps, make lotion, scented bath salts, and give the filled baskets as holiday gifts.
I am also making slippers for some family members, and hope to have enough time for socks as well.
My DH and I give gifts separately to each side of our family. We didn’t marry till we were in our 30s, so it was easier to continue gift-giving separately, especially since his family all live nearby and spend the holidays together, while my family is scattered across the US and almost never spends a holiday with even one other member of the family, much less everyone.
For my side, my siblings and I quit giving gifts to each other long ago, maybe 30 years ago, at a time when most of us were in college or grad school and had little money. I used to give their children gifts at Christmas and their birthdays, usually books, but as their children grew older and into their own selves it was hard for me to know what they wanted. By now I don’t give gifts to any of them. I’d rather save that money toward our infrequent family get-togethers.
On the rare occasions when I visit my siblings at their houses, I do bring a small gift. In that case it’s almost always something like food out of our garden, or a bottle of homemade wine, or a houseplant that is propagated from one of my own. They always seem to be pleased with it.
With my parents, for many years I have always asked them what they wanted for Christmas rather than try to guess. That way I don’t waste money on something they don’t like. For the last several years what they have wanted is a gift card to a restaurant. Although I’d prefer to give them a gift of dinner to a local business, what they want is dinner at a favorite chain restaurant, so that’s what I give them. My mom really likes not having to cook for a change, and both enjoy the evening out. I give enough that they usually can get not just dinner but a lunch out of it too. It’s the best thing I can get for them, and it’s easy too.
My husband gives and receives gifts from his family (mom, brother and brother’s girlfriend, brother’s children) at Christmas. He gives the gifts in both of our names, so I receive them too (I often contribute ideas for what to give them, which he appreciates since he has a hard time thinking of a good gift). This family likes lots of packages under the tree. My DH gives his mom a “real” gift (she doesn’t want anything to do with a gift card), usually clothing, always new because she was poor at one point and new clothes to her signify not being poor anymore (she’s OK with them being from a discount store, but they need to be new). For the last few years he has given the rest of his relatives gift cards. He figures that way they can get something they want. (I like it best when they give me gift cards, since their taste and mine are so different.)
Between ourselves, my DH and I give each other gifts at our birthdays and Christmas, almost always books because we both love to read. New or used doesn’t matter to us. We may tell each other beforehand which book we want, or go to a local bookstore together to enjoy the atmosphere while we pick out books.
I’m not someone who does crafts, but I do like to take pictures. Lately I’ve taken to making my own Christmas and birthday cards using copies of photos I’ve taken. That way I don’t need to shop for cards, the cards I make are much cheaper, and I’d like to think that the people I send them to appreciate getting something unique – but I’m not at all sure that they do. I’m continuing to do it whether they like it or not.
I think my personal favorite holiday is Thanksgiving because it centers around delicious food and eating together, with no pressure around gifts. The part of Christmas that I like is the getting-together-and-eating part, not the gift-giving part. Both our families are highly influenced by conventional consumer culture, and I have a lot of internal stress around Christmas because I don’t want to participate in or encourage that culture, yet it’s where they are and their expectations center around it.
I’m making cloth produce bags (simple drawstring design out of cotton gauze) and cloth ziploc bags (PUL with velcro closure) for all of my siblings. I am thinking of making my parents a luxurious present: an heirloom quality linen sheet set, made out of handkerchief linen. I’ll still have to purchase some of the fabric for these gifts, but they should all last a long time and replace a lot of disposable plastic bags.
If I get really ambitious, I might make my SIL, who is pregnant with her first, a set of fancy pocket diapers (similar to Fuzzibunz or bumGenius styles). But that it a huge undertaking and probably only something I’d do with help from other in-laws!
I’ve been trying to downplay the gifts at Christmas for several years, especially among the adults. I’m not having much luck, though. In my family, its just my mom to exchange with and she lives nearby, so I get lots of ideas and she loves the homemade things I do for her. My in-laws and DH’s siblings and spouses, though, that’s another story. I tried to suggest downsizing or giving Heifer animals as gifts and was shot down. Everyone else wants more ‘stuff’, but I can’t ever figure out what they want. One BIL is very difficult, because anytime he wants something, he buys it for himself.
It sounds a little selfish to suggest only gifts for the kids, because we have 2 while one SIL has one and the other has no kids. I still tried, but NO.
Last year I bought gifts, but ones that are hopefully useful – solar chargers and crank flashlights for the guys and I made fabrics bags for the ladies. I don’t have any great ideas for this year, though.
I hope that my kids will eventually appreciate the thoughts that went into the gifts and the happiness of being together, but at 10 and 13 they don’t so much at the moment. The 13 year old is particularly feeling deprived at not getting as much stuff as all his friends (and being reminded of some of the experiences he has received that his friends have not is not the same thing on Christmas morning). My kids are not deprived by any means – they just want the best of what all their friends get.
A whole lot of rambling to say that I’d like to scale back and am doing so as best I can, but it is hard on several different levels…