12 Reasons to Stay Married After Peak Oil and Climate Change

Sharon February 24th, 2007

I wrote this a while back, when someone on a list I’m on asked about reasons to stay together. And no, I don’t believe in purple haired mutants ;-).

1. Gives you something sustainable to do during those rollingblackouts (sex and fighting would probably both fit the bill, actually.)

2. When energy costs bring a romantic evening out’s price up towardsa week’s salary, you’ll have someone to stay home with.

3. Purple haired mutants are poor conversationalists, rarely bring flowers and often have hygeine problems. Some spouses have the samedifficulties, but you’ll be used to them by then, and said spousesrarely eat human flesh.

4. Partners will, out of love, often pretend interest in things like the rate of oil extraction in the Ghawar and the carbon impact of LEDs vs. Compact Flourescents when others begin yawning and wander off.

5. Romantic evenings with spouse may already consist of offering to be the one to cook dinner *and* do the dishes.

6. Newly met potential partners are often turned off by birth control discussions that require home vasectomies or slaughtering a pig tomake condoms.

7. If marriage/partnership produces children, both partners may reasonably blame all homesteading errors and failures on said children, either directly “No, Johnny must have left the gate openfor the cows;” indirectly “Yes, I know I was supposed to weed thegarden but the baby has been crying and I haven’t slept and…;” or abstractly “Yes, I know I screwed up and let the tomatoes rot, but parenthood has rotted out my remaining brains, and I can’t be held accountable.”

8. Huddling together for warmth with a damp spouse who has just come
out of the barn is marginally more pleasant than huddling with adamp dog who has just come from the same place. Usually.

9. No one but your spouse will ever get you to sell/burn/compost your precious collection of 19th century glassware/first edition\nCowboy novels/crackers in the shape of 70s hair bands, no matter how desperately you need the money/heat/soil fertility.

10. When your unbearable sister in law and her three obnoxious children move in because of the crisis, the only person who will put up with them is the person who knows that if he/she doesn’t, his/her demanding, drunken parents will be out on their behinds. Moreover, the absence of tv can be much compensated for by lengthy discussions of whose relatives are more horrifying.

11. Spouses/partners may come to find your true hair color/hairylegs/face/back/chronic allergic snoring/tendency towardssimultaneous wrinkles and zits endearing after you can no longer locate or afford products intended to conceal them. One hopes.

12. Once the peak comes, you know that you’ll have each otherforever, though thick and thin, good times and bad, in the great exigencies of life. After all, divorce is too expensive and you are conserving bullets.

Sharon

5 Responses to “12 Reasons to Stay Married After Peak Oil and Climate Change”

  1. RASon 25 Feb 2007 at 1:12 am

    Gee Sharon, where does that leave us single folk?

    Hey, if I can’t get a date now, when the grid goes down and the Internet dies, I’m screwed! And I don’t fancy the idea of huddling for a warmth with my dog forever, much as I love her…

  2. jewishfarmeron 25 Feb 2007 at 11:48 am

    Sorry, RAS, it was just a joke
    ;-). Think of all the advantages you get over heterosexual couples, though - no pig slaughter condoms, for example.

    I met my husband through a personal ad. Maybe something along the lines of “Beautiful, Brilliant Peak Oil Aware Woman seeks same?”

    One of these days, I’m going to post an advertisement “marry my honorary brother Jesse” here - I could start a dating service.

    Actually, Jesse and I started “Sharon and Jesse’s Renta-Yenta” in college, and had a perfect record - not one person we set up even wanted to go on a second date. So maybe I should mind my own business ;-).

    Sharon

    Sharon

  3. RASon 26 Feb 2007 at 3:54 am

    Maybe we should start a dating service for PO aware folks.
    I can see my ad:
    Geeky, liberal, progressive Peak-Oil Aware lesbian psychologist/homesteader seeks Peak Oil Aware woman to share life with. Must have a sense of humor and be able to deal with tough times. Knowledge of animal husbandry and gardening helpful.
    P.S. I’ll tend the garden and cook if you’ll clean the house -otherwise, the dishes will never get done, the laundry will always be piled high, and the floor will always need vacuuming. But the garden will not have a single weed.

    Hey -at least I’m honest! ;-)

  4. jewishfarmeron 26 Feb 2007 at 2:40 pm

    RAS, do you have any serious objections to triads? Because if you’ll keep my gardens without a *single* weed, I’ll marry you myself! ;-).

    The husband and four kids might be a liability, though.

    Sharon

  5. RASon 27 Feb 2007 at 3:43 am

    Hmm, I don’t know. If I never had to wash another sink full of dishes or scrub a toilet again…
    LOL.

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