As the Year Turns, So Our Thoughts Turn…To Goat Sex
Sharon December 31st, 2008
Tonight, most of us are reflecting on the year past and considering what is to come. What’s coming out here in the glorious, snow covered rural paradise I live in is, well, drive through goat nookie. Lots of it.
As you may remember, one of the big changes here this year was the acquisition of Selene and Maia, our small but remarkable producers of milk and mayhem. They came to us after kidding, already in milk - and in order to keep the cycle going, well, the girls have to get knocked up.
This presents some structural issues for us, since we do not have a buck goat. With only two females, a buck, who needs seperate housing, and frankly, who doesn’t smell that good when in rut, is overkill. So when we adopted them, we made arrangements for our girls to return to the farm from whence they came when it was time for the necessary romance. I was a little vague on what this interaction might actually involve, but I figured we’d figure it out as we went along.
And thanks to Jamey and Carol at Weathertop Farm, we rather did. Mostly, what it involves is taking your flashlight (the barn isn’t that bright at milking time these days) and spending some time looking at goat pussy. That is, the goats come into heat every three weeks, and in order to know when to bring them to the farm, that means we have to know when they are ready and willing. This is detected by tail wagging, slightly pinked up genital areas, maybe a little discharge. The changes, at least in our girls, however, are fairly subtle, and involve a certain amount of “Do you think that she looks pinker than yesterday…I’m not really sure….”
But we are pretty sure Selene cycled three weeks ago tomorrow, which means that the next step is the drive through breeding (we weren’t able to get her in for an earlier cycle, so babies will be here on the late side) tomorrow. That means putting Selene (Maia doesn’t seem to realize that it is inconvient of her to be on a completely different cycle - or she does and doesn’t care 
) in the back of our car (newspaper first, crack windows) and drive to the farm, where Selene will have her date with destiny (a rather smelly but cute guy named Gil-galad). Ten days later, we’ll be pimping Maia instead.
Then, we bring them home and try and figure out whether the breeding “took.” That means more flashlight checks to see if she goes into heat again. If she doesn’t, we should be expecting babies around the end of May to beginning of June. If not, well, three weeks from now we’ll be doing the MLK weekend goat-lovin’ sex run.
I know that after yesterday’s posts there are those of you who despair of ever making your life more like my perfect agrarian existence ™. And for those of you who feel that way, I can only say that all you need is a flashlight, a pair of horny goats, a compact car and the dream.
Happy New Year!
Sharon