Get Out the Deprogrammers!
Sharon July 16th, 2009
So I have to share with all of you one of the funniest things I’ve heard in a while.
A reader of mine emailed me telling me that she went on vacation and got together with an old college friend. One of the first things that the friend said to her was that two other mutual friends “had joined a cult.”
“It’s run by a crazy woman!”
My reader ventured a guess, “Sharon Astyk?”
And her friend said “Something strange like that.”
Wow, I’m a cult! And I haven’t even worked out my theology or the role of space aliens – gotta get on that!
I’ve got to get a cult uniform – I’m told that white pajamas are very in, although how I’ll manage to keep mine white I have no idea.
The forms for signing over your entire income to “for the greater good” will be up on my blog very soon now, I promise 
.
My reader tells me that she did get the outraged former college friend to admit that she was planning on growing a garden if she lost her job, and that maybe, just maybe, it would be a good idea to start one sooner, rather than later, if you plan to feed yourself from it.
That’s just the first step – the garden is just part of my evil plan. I’m expecting her to sign over her free will by Sunday .
Sharon, who has to come up with a cooler name for herself than the one she was born with.
- humor
- Comments(74)
All hail to the great chicken goddess in her long hempen robes with the worms around her feet and the scythe ready to fell the unconverted.
Let us partake of her heavenly brew and bow our heads in supplication to the number and beauty of her cats.
May her many arms never fail us………
now THIS is what I call a cult!
viv in nz
Everybody,
Thanks 2,000,000 for giving me a much better mental “place” to be when the neighbors or family members give me the “what are you, some kind of witch?” look. Actually, they don’t look at me. They look past me at the garden, or the rainbarrel, or the wood pile, or the drying garlic, or the compost pile.
It reminds me of the advice to nervous public speakers, to envision your audience in their underwear.
Now I will have visions of Sharon in any number of cult leader outfits, scythes (love the scythes), worms, leagues of garden-farmers in overalls and sports bras (do the guys have to wear sports bras?), fists full of compost and turnips, surrounded by flocks of chickens, ducks, goats, and guinea fowl.
And I can think to myself, “How I long to be with MY people.” And I will crack up.
It’s going to make some days much more tolerable.
Thanks again.
I like the concept of earth worms being alien life. As for men wearing sports bras…well just take a look at the size of male boobies. Marketing something not called male sport bras might be successful and income producing.
A Nation of Farmers is good, but how many times can we reread it saying “I told you so” before things get tedious?
Hey, it worked for the bible…
I like the Shiva image, surrounded by sheep and earth worms , carrying a scythe and other implements. Sounds very cluttered.
Thanks Sharin’ Aztec
LOL! “Sharon says…..” has been heard around here more than a few times too!
I think one of the arms has to be holding a baby on her hip, or breastfeeding.
First, Sharon is an adorable, name, worthy of respect and admiration.
Please don’t think of cults, and watch movies like “Head Office” and “Hamburger: the Motion Picture”. Or “The Happening” *shiver*. Would you consider slogans like, “Take this green and eat it!” or “Raising green power” or “We are all here, because we’re not all there” – wait, that is a bumper snicker hanging on my refrigerator. Never mind. Do we have to get funny haircuts? Some cults use funny haircuts to set their members apart (helps identify them if they try to run away). The Navy shaved my hair fairly close when I joined, and they always chased down the guys that tried to run away.
I think undyed cotton would be a fine material for a uniform. Please post the pattern when you can. And perhaps we should be thinking of homespun, and how to accomplish *that* minor task. Maybe just the tunic top, simple drawstring pants, focus on locally available materials, maybe a discrete “Sharon Astyk Wants Your Garden To Feed Humanity After The Oil Barons Destroy The World” or something.
Cheers!
Hey . . . I already wear tunic tops and simple drawstring pants!!!! uh oh.
Hi Sharon, I spent the day in Mt.Hope Ohio at a beautiful Amish farm where the Small Farm Institute presented a Family Farm Field Day. Joel Salatin was the key-note speaker and in one of his talks he mentioned your upcoming book -A Nation of Farmers!! I thought that was pretty neat and I can’t wait to read the book.
Oh, you guys are the best entertainment anywhere! I’m so happy to be part of this cult.
I love the vision of Shiva-with-farm-implements-and-baby, the earthworm aliens, and the vision of Sharon in hempen robes!
Whaddya know: I’m an Astykian and proud of it!
“When I grow up, I wanna be crazy like Sharon.”
Please consider floppy hats rather than baseball caps. Floppy hats keep off more sun & rain. I like coloring our clothes with natural dyes.
On a more serious note, have you guys noticed that local stores including Wal Mart are not stocking shelves very deep? In case of storms or other problems, this presents real problems.
BettyJane, Yes, I’ve noticed stocking levels at several different kinds of stores, from large, general stores like WalMart to hardware stores all seem to be noticeably lower.
With a breakdown in our transportation system or something else, it won’t take long to use up what’s on the store shelves. With small business and manufacturing experiencing great difficulty securing loans enabling them to purchase products for distribution and resale, a different form of crises emerges.
According to CNN Money 7/18/09, over 650,000 have used up their initial unemployment benefits. Although some states may have differing benefit extensions, more and more people are in deep trouble. While I agree that people may have to work at whatever, sometimes there are no jobs. The US doesn’t seem to have any publicized plans about what to do next.
If Sharon is going to have a cult she needs to set up an ashram or kibbutz out here in Northern California or Oregon. It’s absolutely de rigeur for all new cults to set up somewhere north of San Francisco. Admittedly the buddhists, Sikhs and Starhawk have snapped up all the easy pikins but we Astykians are a tougher lot.
We can just wait till the next round of wildfires and buy a ranch while it’s still smoldering. No worry about deep snows either. Ok, it was 105º today but there’s no problem with snow. We grow figs, grapes, oranges and avacado’s here…..
Just saying.
Betty Jane- The almost unspoken plan here in California is to put people to the curb to fend for themselves. The major stores out here are well stocked but many smaller stores are falling short.
Still calling the bottom every single day on NPR.
Betty Jane — I was at a number of smaller stores this weekend and noticed definite signs of distress and lowered levels of stocking. Some of it has to do I’m sure with diminished discretionary spending (music stores, fabric stores) but some it I think has to do with constrained business credit which may be affecting even bigger chains.
Another symbol suggestion here…
I was sitting writing at the computer the other day when I noticed my dogs, cats and a chicken all lying together in a circle on the rug. (We’re getting the animals used to the fact that they’re not each other’s food).
So the dogs were on the outside with the black dog on the left curve, the brown dog on the right curve. The cats were curled up together in the center (orange cat on the left, black cat on the right) with the chicken (a gold toned amaricauna) perched on the black dog’s head.
It was a farmer’s yin/yang!
Well, The Garden is where it all started, and it was Eve who first got friendly with the serpent.
You’re busted! (where do I sign up?)
“eating porridge out of the same bland pot” has now become something of a slogan around my house.
I think the cult uniform should be something simple, inexpensive and easy to make. Loincloths are always in fashion. Well, historically speaking, at least..
Well I am a seamstress, production seamstress at that, so when the overalls get thin and the sports bras lose their stretch… well I am here for you all. I have been an earth mother for so long that people don’t even notice anymore. Except that suddenly now I am trendy!
I know……. robes of felted cat hair and chicken feather capes for wintertime.
Selwar kemeez — cotton for summer, wool or (inc. popular in NJ, velor for winter) Dupatta need to be discarded or bound tight to body when it could be caught in something, but otherwise can’t think of a draw back.
Unisexed.
Of course, even simpler, sari or dohti.
So are we required to tithe? If so I want to be the archbishop for the midwest so I can receive tithes!